1.  WHAT IS THE TWO-FOLD PURPOSE OF THIS MESSAGE?

i) To minister to the couple so they can listen to the recording of their ceremony and renew their vows and love from time to time.
ii) To minister to all the couples present, trusting God to touch their hearts and re-kindle the flame of love in dead marriages.  For this reason exhort the couple to encourage their family and friends to attend the ceremony.

2.  WHAT IS THE HISTORICAL BACKGROUND TO THE WRITING OF EPH 5:22-33?

Jewish men had a very low view of women.  This could be seen in a portion of a morning prayer the men would read, "...I thank You that I'm not a gentile, a slave or a woman."
In Jewish law a woman was not a person but a thing.
Prov 18:22 (NAS) He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the LORD.
At least she was a GOOD thing.
She had no legal rights, she was her husbands possession to do with as he willed.

Thank God women have been restored to full status in the New Testament.
Gal 3:28 (NAS) There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free man, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus.

3.  WHAT WAS THE OLD TESTAMENT LAW OF DIVORCE? (A wonderful thing to discuss at a wedding ceremony - just in case.  It's only a joke!).

Only the man had divorce rights. (O, how things have changed!)
Deut 24:1 (NAS) "When a man takes a wife and marries her, and it happens that she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some indecency in her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce and puts {it} in her hand and sends her out from his house..."
Jewish law interpreted that to mean, he could divorce her if she spoiled his dinner with too much salt, if her head was uncovered, if she talked to men in the streets, if she spoke disrespectfully about her husband's parents, if she was a brawling woman, or troublesome or quarrelsome.
The wife had no rights of divorce at all, but he could divorce her in one hour simply by writing her a note of divorce.
The Greek and Roman marriage situation was even in a worse state, but we won't go into that now. (I once innocently quoted this at a Greek wedding.  It went over like a lead balloon).
The marriage bond was in peril.
ILLUSTRATION: The pastor was visiting the fourth-grade Sunday School class to talk about marriage as part of the lesson.  He asked the class, "What does God say about marriage?"  Immediately, one boy replied, "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do." (That is only for marriages not made in heaven).
Allen  Petersen said, "I do not know whether or not your marriage was made in heaven, but I do know that all the maintenance work is done on earth."

4.  WHAT WAS PAUL'S PURPOSE IN THE WRITING OF EPH 5:22-33?

Under the direction and inspiration of the Holy Spirit the apostle Paul rectifies the situation by writing Eph 5:22-33 to reinstate God's divine order in a Christian marriage.
The main emphasis of the passage is not man's CONTROL over his wife, but rather his duty to love his wife.

Eph 5:22-33 (NAS) Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord.
23 For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body.
24 But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her;
26 that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word,
27 that He might present to Himself the church (or his wife) in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she should be holy and blameless.
28 So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies.  He who loves his own wife loves himself;
29 for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church,
30 because we are members of His body (as the wife is of the husbands).
31 For this cause a man shall leave his father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife; and the two shall become one flesh.
32 This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church.
33 Nevertheless let each individual among you also love his own wife even as himself; and {let} the wife {see to it} that she respect her husband.

(Talk about how Rom 10:9 and Eph 5 are linked [see vs 32].  In the world over 50% of marriages end in divorce.
On the other hand there are very few divorces with true born again believers who are walking in the light of God's Word.  As a marriage officer, I'm very happy to marry this couple today, because I know their love and commitment to Jesus Christ.  If they keep serving Jesus as they are today, this marriage will never be broken).

5.  WHAT ARE THE EIGHT COMMANDS FOR HUSBANDS THAT ARISE FROM EPH 5:22-33?
(Interestingly enough there are only two for wives).

i) vs 23  Take up the leadership and be the head of the wife and the home.
Someone was wearing a cap in Disneyworld that said, "I'm their leader, which way did they go?"
Others have this philosophy, "I'll show you the way - I'm right behind you." What a wonderful example of
leadership.
As husband you need to take the initiative:-
- as high priest of the home
- as the bread winner
- as the financial planner
- as lover
- as adventurer - keep that same adventuresome spirit that won her heart, ever alive in your marriage.  Don't let it stop because you've caught your fish.  Keep your marriage exciting.
A woman enjoys following a strong leader.  You must be someone she can admire and look up to.
It is not God's order in a home when a man has shirked his responsibilities and the wife is then forced to take up the leadership position.
ILLUSTRATION: On the first morning of their honeymoon Rev. Charles Gordon said to his wife, "Honey, please get me my pants." As she picked them up he said to her, "Why don't you try them on dear." She replied, "Don't be silly, they're your pants," to which he immediately responded, "And always remember who wears the pants around this house."
Beware of wives who say they're the neck and turn the head in any direction they want to go.  Remind them that the brain is in the head and controls the neck.

ii)  vs 25  Love your wife as Christ did the Church - with a sacrificial and unselfish love.
A man must lay down his life for his wife's good and enrichment.
Not "I'll love you, if you'll change to be like this or that..." Christ's love is an unconditional love.
ILLUSTRATION: You probably heard about the newlyweds. On their honeymoon, the groom took his bride by the hand and said, "Now that we're married, dear, I hope you won't mind if I mention a few little defects that I've noticed about you."  "Not at all," the bride replied with a deceptive sweetness.  "It was those little defects that kept me from getting a better husband."
Here is a practical way every husband can demonstrate his love for his wife OR it's what every wife wants from her husband - SeCuRiTy:
Security - She wants you to make her FEEL that she is the most important person in your life by the way you speak to and treat her.
Communication - She wants at least one hour of detailed conversation with you everyday.
Romance - She want's you to continue treating her like a lady, romance her by continuing to pay attention to the small things - like opening her door for her, letting her go first, never forgetting important occasions like birthdays and anniversaries, taking her on candlelight dinners, buying her cards and flowers, etc.
Touch - She wants at least 12 loving reassuring touches everyday, like affectionate hugs, tender kisses, holding her hand, putting your arm around her, tickling or massaging her, etc.  (Not 12 quick taps first thing in the morning and say, "I trust you're now reassured of my love for you today.")
Men have to daily draw strength from God to help them walk in this kind of sacrificial love.  No one has this ability in his own strength.

vs 25-28  It must be a purifying love.  As he speaks loving words of  faith over his wife he makes her more holy, godly and beautiful.
The way some men treat their wives has caused them to become course and hard.  They married a rose and turned her into a thorn bush.

iii) vs 28,33  Love your wife as your own body.
Take the same loving, tender, meticulous care of your wife as you have of your personal grooming today.
(Compliment the beautiful bride and the handsome groom).
I've never seen a man slap himself around or not talk to himself or insult himself or be rude to himself or ignore himself - but I have seen men treat their wives this way.
ILLUSTRATION: One man who was slapping his wife around came for marriage counseling.  The burly Pastor took him into his garage, threw him a pair of boxing gloves as he put on a pair himself.  The confused man said he does not want to fight.  The pastor said, "O, so you're a coward. You only fight when they can't hit back."  The man got the message and learned to control himself.
James Dobson said, "The key to a healthy marriage is to keep your eyes wide open before you wed - and half closed thereafter."
1 Pet 4:8 (NAS) Above all, keep fervent in your love for one another, because love covers (or overlooks) a multitude of sins.