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TORCH: Flashlight.
DURBS: A nickname for the great coastal city of Durban - which used to be South Africa's premier holiday resort.  Johannesburg is called "Jo'burg", sometimes "Joey's" and sometimes "Egoli" - 'The City of Gold'.  Port Elizabeth is generally known by its initials, "P.E." - 'The Windy City or The Friendly City'.  Cape Town is 'The Mother City'.
VAN DER MERWE: "Van" for short.  Just as Paddy is the central figure of Irish jokes and Cohen turns up in Jewish humor, Van der Merwe (pronounced "Merver") takes the brunt of South African humor.  In a typical story, Van is planning a visit to America.  He practices driving on the right hand side of the road on a trip down to Durban, and when he gets there, all battered and bruised, he cancels his US trip because the ride was to hairy.
PAVEMENT: This word confuses visitors to South Africa more than any other - especially visitors who like to ride bicycles.  If you see a sign which tells you not to ride your bike on the pavement, it means don't ride your bike on the sidewalk.  In the United States, the pavement is the roadway.  In South Africa it is the sidewalk.
SCALE: To scale something is to steal it.  "Did you scale it?"  Someone who is a "scaly" person is not a nice person, a scumbag, and should be left off the Christmas party invitation list.
MOON-BAG: Fanny pack.  Derives its name from its ¼ moon shape.  If it was worn on the back instead of the front (which it's not), then it may have been called a 'bum bag', which could get you into trouble - a 'bag' is an ugly, fat, boisterous female.  Unlucky you for meeting 'a bag', but imagine meeting 'bum bag', i.e. the queen of the brawlers.  So we feel a lot safer with 'moon-bag'.  In South Africa 'fanny' refers to a woman's private parts, and if ever used publically will be considered to most rude and insulting, bringing gasps of disbelief.  An innocent "get off your fanny" (from an American male to a South African female) will probably earn you a lekker (deserved) klap (pronounced 'klup') - an "I see stars" slap across the face.  A 'fanny pack' to a South African might have him wondering if in parts of America they still practice the tradition of enforcing the wearing of 'chastity belts'.
RANDY: An innocent shortening of the name Randall, but in South Africa it means to be horny; to have the hots for the opposite sex; to have an unsatiable sexual appetite.  An American that is introduced by the name Randy in South Africa will raise eyebrows, and have them wondering what you mother saw in you that she would be compelled to give you such an embarrassing name, oblivious to your feelings.  Once you turned 18 you would immediately have your name changed and move to another city where no one knew your name used to be Randy.
DUCK: To forcibly dunk someone underwater; a short-neck web-footed swimming bird; to quickly stoop or bend when your wife takes a swipe at you.
FLAT: An apartment.  A flat car tire would be referred to as a 'puncture'.  "The new block of flats has blocked out the view of the lake to all the houses behind it.  Those home owners must be really upset".
BUSHVELD: Wild open country filled with fairly dense trees, shrubs and vegetation.  A trip in July through one of the game parks in the bushveld is your best opportunity to see the 'big 5' in their natural habitat.  The 'big 5' are the Lion, Leopard, African Elephant, Rhinoceros and Buffalo.  I'd hardly call the Hippopotamus small.  Would you?  Which wild animal in Africa has killed more humans than any other?  Believe it or not, it's the Hippopotamus.
VELD: Open wild grassy field.  Pronounced "feldt".
BUNDU: 'Boondocks' or 'Outback'.  Why on earth would you want to go to Uncle Jimmy's for the holidays?  He lives in the bundu.  What on earth are you going to do there for 4 weeks?
BUNDU-BASHING: Riding a '4 wheel drive' through the veld, knocking over shrubs in the process.
BUNK: Skip school, play truant.  Are you bunking school with us on Monday?  It can also mean 'sleep over'.  Are you bunking at my pad (place, home) tonight?  A 'bunk bed' is two single beds, connected one above the other.
BREAK-UP DAY: The last day of a school term.  A dad would ask son: "When does school break-up boykie?"  It's a day you and your chommies (buddies) feel like breaking up the school, after the teacher gave you an 'F' on your report card, so you never have to go back again.  Under the 'Appartheid' era, many South African schools were literally burnt and broken down.
COOLDRINK, COLDDRINK: This is what South Africans call a soda.  If you order a soda, you will get a club soda.  If you want an orange soda, ask for an orange cooldrink.  If you want ice in it, make that clear.  South Africans don't routinely put ice in cooldrinks as is done in the United States.
SARMIE: This is a sandwich.  For generations, school children have traded sarmies during lunch breaks.  If you are sending kids off to school in the morning, don't give them liver-polony sarmies.  They are the toughest to trade.
MIELIE: Corn on the cob.
FRIKKADEL: A hamburger - the real thing, made with little bits of onion and parsley blended into mince (ground beef).  If fast food companies like Burger King ever find out how to make real frikkadels, they'd really have it made.
MARIE BISCUIT: All South Africans grow up with Marie biscuits.  They are sweet, hard, dry cookies which have quite a pleasant taste but little else going for them really.  They are quite nice dipped in hot tea or coffee but you have to move fast because they break easily and you may get a brown gulp at the bottom of your cup.  What you need is a quick dip and out!  Expatriate South Africans in America, Canada, Australia and New Zealand tell each other how much they miss Marie biscuits but when someone sends them a packet to relieve their homesickness they wonder what all the fuss was about.
BISCUIT: Unlike the American variety - which is a scone without the sugar mixed in - a South African biscuit is a cookie.  Americans who ask for a biscuit with their breakfast will get a Lemon Cream, a Romany, or a Marie.
SAMOOSA: South Africa has a rich ethnic diversity and samoosas are one of the treasures of that mix.  They are small three-cornered, deep-fried curried pies about the size of American biscuits, great for lunch or just for snacking.
GHERKIN: A gherkin is a small pickled cucumber, what in America is simply called a pickle.  You either like them or you don't - no half measures.  Generations of moms have packed gherkins in school lunch boxes.
CREAM CRACKER: You may find cream crackers in the exotic section of some American big city supermarkets, usually imported from England.  But in South Africa everyone has cream crackers: puffy, dry square biscuits which are suitable for just about anything you want to put on them - Marmite, pilchards in tomato sauce, sardines, hard boiled eggs, melon-and-ginger jam, liver polony, cheese (not all at the same time of course though some people are known to do that).  Cream crackers are appropriate for school lunch packs when the household bread is too dry on Monday mornings, but some jams can make them soggy and difficult to trade for your one of your chommies roast beef sarmies.
SPAANSPEK: Don't ask for a "cantaloupe" if you go to a cafe looking for this melon.  It is a spaanspek (pronounced spon-spek) which translates as "Spanish bacon", probably from the orange color of its flesh.
ENGAGED: This word amuses American visitors to South Africa as much as "robot" (traffic light) or "pavement" (sidewalk).  It means "busy" when applied to the telephone or when it appears on the door of a public toilet when you turn the lock on.  If you get an annoying busy signal on the phone, it is engaged.  Try again later.  The same thing applies, naturally, to the toilet.
GEYSER: Hot water heater, certainly not an old man.
HOSEPIPE: Garden Hose.  A dad to son: "Boykie, always roll up the hosepipe before you mow the lawn".
JERSEY: Sweater.  You wear a jersey to keep you warm in Winter.  A sweater to a South African would conjure up some thoughts of a sweat suit a boxer would jog in to loose some weight.
KUGEL: A rich Jewess with nothing better to do than shop till you drop at any one of the hundreds of exclusive boutiques at Sandton Mall, and endlessly engage in frivolous small talk.  They have an unique (irritating to some) way of speaking.  "Your dress is to die for doll.  Rachael's new boyfriend is a real darling - and he's got an Alpha.  This cheesecake's simply divine?"
TO DIE FOR: Heard most frequently in the yuppie suburbs of Jo'burg and Cape Town, used mainly by Kugels.  It is pronounced "to dah for", this is an expression of approval: "Those shoes are to die for doll".
DOLL: A term of affection between females, used mostly in Jo'burg.  It originated between rich Jewesses (or Kugel's). A corrupted form of "darling", it will be heard thus: "Where did you get that new handbag, Doll?  It's to die for."
LOUNGE: A homely family living room - definitely not a drinking hole.  After a meal in the diningroom, you'll retire to the lounge for tea, which by the way is served to guests on a silver tray, with silver pots.  A favorite afternoon tea is served with scone's (like an American biscuit), strawberry jam and whipped cream.  The lounge is also where the family goes crazy as they watch 'The Boks' or 'Die (the) Bokke' (the SA Springbok rugby team) spill their guts against the 'All Blacks' (New Zealand's rugby team), while eating biltong (and nartjies to quench the thirst you get from eating biltong).  'Jelly' in South Africa is 'Jell-O' in America.  'Smooth jam' is not as popular as 'whole jam'.  The former is equivalent to American jelly.
TICK: Check.  "Tick off every item on the list as I call it out to you."  A check (cheque) in South Africa is what you pay your bills with via the mail.  In most places you have the option of either paying by cheque, cash or card.
TICKED OFF: Annoyed, irritated.  "That bossy woman really ticks me off".  "Man, I'm really ticked off about this ticket that unreasonable spietcop (traffic officer) gave me."
CAFE: This is the generic term for convenience stores.  Traditionally operated by people of Portuguese, Greek or Asian ancestry, it is a good place to buy bread, biltong or the Alka Seltzer you will need after trying pap at the braai.
DIRTBIN: Self-explanatory, this is a garbage can.  It is also called a "rubbish bin."  If you refer to rubbish as "garbage" you will be considered blooming pretentious.
JUST NOW: Universally used, it means "eventually" and sometimes "never".  If someone says he will do something "just now" it could be in 10 minutes or tomorrow, or maybe he won't do it at all.
SLIP SLOPS: Getting back to the beach for a moment, these are the rubber thongs or sandals you wear, keeping them on your feet with a thin strap which causes blisters between your big toe and its partner.  Naturally you cannot wear them with socks and they should never be worn with a suit. 
TOM: Tom is money, cash, dough, the stuff we never have enough of.  We don't know the origin of this bit of slang and we believe it is passing out of fashion but it can still be heard at lunch when someone may say to you: "Can you please pay for me - I'm a bit short of tom today?"  In South Africa you don't ask for the check in a restaurant.  You ask for the bill.  Then you hand over the tom.

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